I'm dying.

Every day.

Might as well spare everyone the agony and just get it over sooner.

I just desperately want to be free of the agony of living from minute to minute.  It's killing me.  I'm lying every time I speak.  I'm looking for death everywhere I go.  I'm cutting, starving, purging, everything i thought I left behind.  I don't know what to do.

I'm not scared of death anymore.  It seems like a sweet release.

I can't even ask for help, because that seem weak.

There's no one.


Ever.

I've taken in about 200 calories in the past 48 hours.

At this point, I think it's a challenge for myself to see how long I go before I actually want food.  I don't feel hungry, I know I should want to eat something at some point but I'm finding how how amazing the human body is when it's stressed beyond belief and dealing with crippling emotional pain.

Every relationship I have ends in some kind of wrenching heartbreak. 

Does that make it worth it to try anymore?

I can't stop crying.  I hate being alone.  This hurts beyond anything to be absolutely and completely alone.